


Far From Perfect

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Marauders' Era, Masturbation, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: School Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-11
Updated: 2007-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-27 11:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Lily knows what she wants from James, and she also knows what she can honestly expect from him. When it comes to planning their first time together, she knows she'd better handle most of the details on her own. Still, some information the Marauders have kept secret may prove useful ...





	Far From Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Although _obscenely_ overdue, this fic was written for a claim for the Demelza House fundraiser in summer of 2006. With my most heartfelt apologies for the delay, I offer this story. All I can say in my defence is that I've really, really tried to make it fit the request!

With my eternal gratitude, as always, to Copper Beech for the beta. And with new eternal gratitude (but not-at-all-new devotion) to Magic of Isis, for the same.  


* * *

I found precisely what I needed in precisely the last place I ever would have looked.

If Petunia hadn't nicked my favourite pair of trainers while I was at Hogwarts that fall, I wouldn't have spent the first evening of the Christmas hols rooting around the well-ordered and creepily dust-free boxes under her bed, and I never would have discovered the book.

Petunia, home from uni a few days before the Hogwarts Express had pulled into Kings Cross, had already crowed her horsey little face off about her engagement to a perfectly tedious sounding fellow called Vernon, who was going to be working in drill manufacturing when he finished his degree.  I could only assume that his imagination in the bedroom was as limited as his imagination in career decisions, or why would the book have fallen so readily open to a page that boasted the heading 'Learning to Masturbate'?

As I perused the passage, I had to bite back a giggle.  Poor Petunia must have been horrified when she'd realised how _messy_ the whole affair would be.  This probably explained the new shower nozzle which had been installed in our bathroom.  I could hardly imagine how horrified she would be at the mess once this Vernon's bits were involved.

I suppressed the urge to retch when considering this Vernon's bits, whoever he was, and quickly directed my attention back to the book.

I was turning to the section that really interested me when a horrified shriek sounded from the doorway.

"What are you doing in my room?!?"

"Reading," I replied helpfully, holding up the heavy, paperback copy of _Our Bodies, Ourselves_.  "Great book, Petunia, thanks!"

Petunia turned seven shades of purple, two of mauve and a bonus tinge of puce.  "You … I … how _dare_ you?!?  I'm telling Mother!"

"That I'm in your room, or what I've found here?  Because I'd be happy to elaborate, if you'd like.  I'll bet she'd be especially interested in this section you've underlined … Oh, come now," I added, having looked up, "it can't be even remotely healthy for you to be turning that particular colour, Pet.  Have some air, that's a dear."

"Lily …" she growled menacingly.  It wasn't a pretty sound, but any sort of speech meant she must be taking air, so I reassured myself that she would survive the conversation.

It must be said that I love my sister.  I think she's an absolute nutter, and a closed-minded fool at that, but I have always adored her.  I've never been pleased with the way Mum and Dad have carried on about my magic around her, because anyone who paid attention should be able to see how much it upsets her.  Still, there's always been a bit of an understanding between us, that _I_ know I'm nothing more than her silly little sister, and that she'll always be the one who taught me how to tie my shoes and who walked my bike home from the other end of town that one time when I was nine and fell off and refused to get back on again, and that I'll always be grateful to her for that.

I worry about this Vernon fellow, though.  I'm afraid Petunia may have gone out and purposefully found herself a man whose mind is even narrower than her own, and that he'll try and squeeze the last bits of compassion out of her.  Even though I'm planning on living in the wizarding world when I leave school, I'm going to have to keep up with Petunia, make sure she remains the sister I love, no matter what sort of influence her awful fiancé has on her.

Finding the book was a relief in more ways than one.  Certainly, I'm pleased to get the information I was seeking, but I'm also happy that Petunia is taking care of her own needs.  I didn't entirely need to _know_ about it, but I'm happy nonetheless.

"Let me borrow the book for a couple of days," I reasoned, "and I'll never mention it again.  What do you say?"

Petunia slowly returned to what passed for a natural hue in her case, but her eyes narrowed.  "You're going to do it with _that boy_ , aren't you?"

"'That boy' is called James, Pet, and yes, the thought has crossed my mind."

"I knew it!  I knew that … that _unnaturalness_ they teach you at that school would only lead down such paths!"

I held the book up again.  "Hello, pot?  Kettle calling!"

Which only turned Petunia all of those lovely magenta shades again.  "You!  You would dare impugn my honour, you … you little _strumpet!_ "

I really did try not to laugh in her face.  I did.

All right, I'll admit I didn't try very hard.

"'Strumpet,' Pet?  You honestly need to give the Harlequin novels a rest.  Broaden your horizons.  Read some Dickens!  Or at least a little Austen?"  I stood up, hugging the book to my chest.  "You'll get this back before Christmas, I promise."  And I flounced out of the room (with extra flounce, for my sister's benefit), relishing the indignation on her face.  I was gone before she could sputter another word.

Back in my room, with the door closed and Spelled shut, I let the book fall open again and flipped a few pages until I reached the section on 'EXPLORING LOVEMAKING.'  As hokey as the title sounded to me, the following few pages contained piles of useful information.

The book was such a windfall because, to put it succinctly, wizards are prudes.  Hogwarts's library has some mediwizarding texts in the Restricted Section - no difficulty for me to access, of course - which helped me work out the necessary spells and potions for avoiding pregnancy.  That part was easy.  But for my first time, I wanted more than simply to be free from worries about accidental procreation.  I wanted it to be _fun_.  And James, God love him, had always had all the sensitivity and subtlety found in the average dung beetle.  (His looks went a long way toward compensating for that.  Call me shallow, but it's the truth.)  I knew he was going to shit himself with glee when he found out he was going to be allowed in my knickers.  I knew he would swagger about, bragging about it to those two silly sods (and to Remus).  I also knew there wasn't the slightest possibility of him having any idea what to do once our robes came off, so I'd have to be ready to coach him through it, especially if I wanted it to be worth my while.

I took out the sheaf of parchment I'd hidden in a secret compartment of my trunk and, before I could get distracted again, wrote away to Slug and Jiggers Apothecary for some ingredients for the contraceptive potion.  It would take half a moon cycle to brew, and one full menstrual cycle to start working, so I had to start soon if I wanted everything to be ready in time for Valentine's Day.  Once I'd bundled up the order list with thirteen Sickles and twenty-one Knuts (including postage and packing), I settled down to taking copious notes from the book.

The book was good, I have to say.  The descriptions were so clear, and vivid!  By the time I had studied it well, the anticipation had me in such a state that I had to flip to Petunia's favourite section and follow a few helpful instructions before I could fall asleep, a contented grin spread across my face.

***

"Hey, Moony!" was all I had to hear to know that the Marauders were being reunited after their holiday separation and appeared to be heading my way.  I looked up to see the quartet rounding the corner, Sirius's arm casually draped over Remus's shoulders while Remus blushed and looked at his feet.  If I live to be one hundred and seventy-three, I'll never understand why those two feel that they have to hide behind their just-best-pals-really subterfuge (nor why they believe anyone buys it).  I hardly had time to reflect on that observation at that moment, though, because James came around the corner last, his head slightly bowed so he met my eyes through his ridiculous mop of raven hair, and I forgot everything except the warm, insistent throbbing between my legs.  As soon as he'd seen me, he stood up taller and his eyes lit up, the bounce in his step obvious for the split second before he caught himself and tempered it into a swagger.

I flashed him a shining smile as he approached, not caring who noticed how openly thrilled I was to see him.  I adore that boy, always will, and I don't mind if the whole world knows about it.

When they caught up, I turned about to fall into step with them, smiling as James's arm settled around my shoulders in very much the way, I couldn't help but noticing, that Sirius's arm was still draped around Remus.  I think Peter noticed, because he stared at all of us and giggled.  This set off a chain reaction of Remus making a pointed coughing sound and James snickering and Sirius theatrically scratching his head and dropping his arm to his side with his well-practised, 'who, me?' expression on his face.

Once we'd all crawled through the portrait hole, Remus and Sirius headed directly for the stairs to their dormitory (subtle, boys) while Peter settled himself in a squashy chair to write a letter. James dragged me toward a quiet, unoccupied corner, turned a high-backed armchair around so that we could have some privacy, and proceeded to snog me in several thoroughly delicious ways.  My hair was as mussed as his and my mind wandering toward what I'd learnt from Petunia's book by the time we came up for air.

"Welcome back," he told me as he settled his arms about my waist and I squirmed about trying to find a comfortable position in which said lap wouldn't be quite so obviously poking me.  Unfortunately, my squirming was obviously not helping the situation.

I giggled at him.  "Same to you," I said softly.  I admit I liked the way my voice sounded low and gravelly when James had me all riled up, and I could tell he didn't mind it, himself.

"Mmm," he moaned, nuzzling my neck.  I threaded my fingers into his hair and echoed the sounds he was making.  His fingers, for their part, were exploring their way up the front of my robes.

I reluctantly slapped his hand away.  "God, James.  Not here in the common room!"

"Then where shall we go?" he teased, knowing full well that I was a stickler for the rules when it came to sneaking away to empty classrooms and broom closets, the way so many of our classmates were in the habit of doing.  Seriously, I knew how bad it would look if the Head Boy and Girl were caught in a compromising position.  I simply wasn't willing to take the risk.

Except, of course, that I was going to have to find a way before February.  "Funny you should ask," I replied.  "I've been trying to work that out."

James's eyes flew wide.  "You …" he half-panted, looking up at me in wonder, "you have?"

"Sure," I told him mock-primly.  "After all, if we're going to be spending Valentine's Day the way I have in mind, we're going to need some privacy."

He sat up so straight that he almost dumped me off onto the floor.  "Don't tease me Lily," he warned, although the shaking in his voice took any hint of threat out of it.  "Are you saying, you know, what I think you're saying?"

"That depends," I said off-handedly, enjoying the whole exchange far more than was probably fair.  I pretended to examine my fingernails unconcernedly as I continued, "If you think I mean that I want to spend the evening of the fourteenth of February shagging your lights out, then you have indeed grasped the gist of my intent."  I glanced at him through my eyelashes and couldn't help giggling at the expression of excitement that lit up his face as he pulled me close (his lap thoroughly poking me in the process) and recommenced snogging me.

"Lily, oh, oh Merlin, Lily," he panted in my ear as he sucked the lobe between his lips.  "You're so amazing.  I love you, Lily."

"I know you do, James.  I love you, too," I answered, pleased to hear him say it again.  "That's why I know I want to do this."

It was, unfortunately, right about then that Peter opened his bookbag and set off the stinkbomb that Sirius had probably planted there earlier.  In the mêlée, James and I had a moment to compose ourselves before we had to start cleaning up befouled fourth-years and generally putting the common room to rights.  As I watched James dash up the stairs to find Sirius, I couldn't truly hope for his haste to be caused by a need to scold his mate for making the mess.  No, I was pretty sure that James Potter was running upstairs to share the news.

***

It wasn't until the beginning of February that James beckoned me over to the table where he and the other Marauders were revising in the library, and told me he had a plan.  

"A plan," I repeated.  "Regarding what, exactly?"

The daggers in my eyes should have been enough to warn James that he was treading on thin ice, but his thick skull was impenetrable as ever.  "About, you know, how we can find a way to be alone on Valentine's."  His wide-eyed, imploring look barely served to mitigate my urge to thump him.

It was one thing for me to know that James had probably told his mates that I'd agreed to sleep with him.  It was quite another for him to expect me to discuss it with them openly, and the dubious look on Remus's face did nothing to alleviate my sense of humiliated dread.

Still, these were the Marauders, and they were nothing if not legendary for their ability to plan - and pull off - some amazing feats.  Having no brilliant ideas myself, I was willing to listen.

"I see," I told James coldly, mustering every ounce of dignity I could so as to appear unperturbed by the topic of conversation.  "Go on, then.  Tell me about this plan of yours."

"Lil, there's something we haven't told you," James said.  My heart dropped into my stomach; coming from these four, a secret that had been so closely guarded couldn't possibly be a good thing.

Spotting the look on my face, Remus said, "No, it's all right.  Dumbledore knows all about it.  It's only that we haven't been allowed to discuss it outside the four of us.  But we've gone over it, and agreed that we all trust you.  So."

He took a deep breath, and I returned my attention to James, assuming he would be the one to tell me the secret, but he was still watching Remus.  That's how it happened that I wasn't looking Remus right in the eye when he said, "The first thing you need to know is that I'm a werewolf."

I let out a little yelp, despite myself, and whirled to stare at him.  Remus and I had been friends since we'd started school, often checking our schoolwork together, since we were two of the top students in our year.  I'd noticed that he always seemed to be ill around the full moon, and a bit roughed-up looking just after, but I'd imagined every number of different explanations, perhaps unwilling to let myself consider the most obvious possibility.  Werewolves were humans, I knew, but they were some _other_ humans, out in the world somewhere.  They weren't my friends at school!

Only, apparently, they _were_.

I swallowed, hard, and said, "Okay," as steadily as I could.  Remus flinched a little, making me wonder whether I would ever be able to forgive myself for my callousness.  I reached out and put a hand on his arm, saying, "okay" again, and trying to smile reassuringly.

Remus looked pained, but patted my hand and smiled back.  "I'm really not supposed to tell anyone that," he said, "but you'll see why it's relevant in a moment."

"Also, Prongs here has an Invisibility Cloak," added Sirius, pointing at James.  His use of the silly nickname (which always came to mind when I was sitting in James's lap, for obvious reasons) caught my attention given recent revelations, and I whipped back around to Remus.

"Moony …" I said softly, looking into his eyes and watching him nod.  "So, then the others …" I continued, looking back at Sirius, and at Peter and James in turn.

"Um," said Peter, his round cheeks blooming bright pink.  He looked to James.  "Does she need to know this part?"

"It won't hurt," answered James quickly, then blurted out, "the rest of us are all Animagi.  Unregistered, so you can't tell anyone."

A bit stunned, I decided to ignore the big picture and to address only the simple facts that my overloaded brain could manage.  "Prongs?" I asked him.

"Stag."

I turned to Peter.  "And Wormtail?"

"Rat," he squeaked, still blushing.

"And I'm a big, black dog," added Sirius before I could ask, leaning back proudly in his chair.

I took a deep breath, ready to fake levity if it masked the maelstrom going on in my brain.  "Right.  One werewolf and three unregistered Animagi, all with puerile nicknames.  And this has what to do with my sex life?"

Peter squeaked and dropped his quill, disappearing under the table for several minutes.  I squeezed my knees together inside my robes, to be safe.  Peter was a nice boy, and James seemed to like him, but I wouldn't put it past him to try and catch a glimpse up my skirt.

Sirius, meanwhile, snickered audibly and Remus looked somberly at his folded hands.  "There is a place that I go during the full moon, to keep the other students safe.  The rest of the month, it's unoccupied.  If you and James, er, wanted to be alone …"  He broke off and turned to James.  "But the full moon is on the fifteenth this month.  It's a close thing … what if I get wolfish on the night before?"

"Has that ever happened?" I broke in.

"Nope," said Sirius, "and it won't happen this time, either.  Anyway, I'll be there to keep watch - on Moony, and on the entrance - just in case."

"You're going to keep watch …" I repeated slowly, looking to James for permission to hex Sirius blind at the very suggestion.

"Not in the room, love.  The only way in and out is through a tunnel.  They'll wait down there, make sure no one tries to come in."

"Through a tunnel?!  Where is this place?" I demanded.

When they told me, I almost fell out of my chair.

***

James lent me his Invisibility Cloak the following week, and I took the opportunity to get a look at the inside of the Shrieking Shack and then to improve the ambience.  I filled a sack with candles, bedding and pillows, so that we would feel comfortable and would not have to see the room too clearly.  I put out some potpourri to try and mask the scent of wet dog that permeated the room.  I mended the largest rips in the mattress and pushed the broken chairs into a corner; I wanted the place clean enough to look good by candlelight, but wasn't about to spend a lot of time clearing up after the boys.

Meanwhile, every night, I took the potion.  There was no way that I was going to short-circuit my future career by turning up preggers before I could finish school.

I was happy to have the Invisibility Cloak, and not only for my purposes of getting to and from the Shack undetected.  By lending me the Cloak, James was effectively promising not to get himself into trouble which could result in being assigned a detention on the fourteenth.  It might sound obvious, but we'd had dates ruined before by James letting Sirius talk him into something stupid.

James was on better behaviour than usual, in general.  I think he was even more surprised by my decision than I'd expected, and was probably convinced that one wrong move would make me change my mind.  Silly boy.  I knew who he was by then, good and bad, and I loved him for and despite all of it.  I wasn't foolish enough to let him know that it was as good as a done deal (I was, after all, enjoying the extra-attentive treatment), but I was resolved to go through with the plans.

I've mentioned, haven't I, how incredibly hot James was?  I couldn't _wait_ to get my hands on that arse.

And so it got to be the fourteenth of February, and it was a Hogsmeade weekend, so the five of us bundled up in our warmest cloaks and braved the blizzard for the walk to the village.  After a stop at the Three Broomsticks for a warm butterbeer, James and I headed over to Madam Puddifoot's while the other three said they were off to Zonko's.  I was really more interested in visiting Scrivenshaft's, or maybe Dervish and Banges, but this was supposed to be a romantic day, and going to the tea shop seemed to be the thing to do.

It turned out to be a miserable time.  James and I hunkered at our table, growing grumpier by the minute, until I threatened to hex one of those disgusting cupids next time it tried to dump confetti in my coffee, and James and I fell apart laughing.  He asked if he could buy me a box of chocolates, instead, and I told him I'd buy _him_ a box of chocolates if we could get out of there in the next thirty seconds, and it wasn't long before we were running through the snow, back up the alley and slipping into a snowdrift in front of Scrivenshaft's.  I snogged him thoroughly while we were down there and flicked some bits of confetti out of his hair and generally pretended for as long as I could that I didn't feel the poking through our cloaks.  His face was flushed from the cold outside and heat between us by the time I let him up, and we had to duck into Gladrags to dry off before we could make it the rest of the way up the street.

The other three Marauders happened to be coming out of Zonko's as we passed, so we all huddled together for warmth as we approached the packed sweet shop.  James and I settled on buying a box of chocolates to share with the whole group, while Peter eyed the Cockroach Clusters as though convinced he'd seen one twitch and Sirius loaded up on bars of chocolate 'to feed Remus after the You-Know-What tomorrow night.'  Remus pretended to ignore him, but blushed as he examined a basket of Ice Mice.  When I suggested we head back to school, James winked at Sirius and lead me to a door in the back of the shop.  The five of us slipped as quietly as we could down the stairs to the basement and through the entrance to the tunnel I'd somehow guessed would be there.

I didn't relish the idea of all of us getting detention on that particular evening, but the weather outside was so horrid that I couldn't argue much.  In any case, we were lucky, and there was no one else around at all when we tumbled out into the empty corridor, much warmer and drier for our troubles than we would have been out on the grounds.

Naturally, as I already knew, the tunnel to the Shack had to start _outside_.

We waited until after supper, through the evening until after the youngest students had to be in bed.  Finally, leaving Peter in the common room to head any stragglers off with a story about how James and I were both out doing our rounds, the other four of us snuck into the corridor and out onto the grounds.  As quickly as we could, Remus and I ducked under the Invisibility Cloak, while Sirius and James transformed before our eyes (so smoothly, they must have done it dozens of times before!) and headed opposite directions along circuitous paths toward the Whomping Willow.  I whipped out my wand to make a rock levitate until it hit the right knot in the trunk and the tree stood still.  I followed Remus into a hole in the ground I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't already known about it, and waited there in the darkness for the Animagi to join us.

James arrived a moment later, transforming before he slipped out of the nearly-full moonlight and into the tunnel next to me.  Sirius wasn't far behind, and stayed in his dog form long enough to stand on his hind legs and give Remus a long slurp on the face.  I averted my eyes and tried to scrub my brain of the unbidden thoughts that followed the sight.  The tree reanimated, we set off toward the Shack.

"So, Lily," said Sirius.  "You're really, finally going to do it, eh?  You're going to turn our boy James into a man at long last."

"Give over, Padfoot," said James, although his walk took on an unmistakable swagger.  "What Lily and I have is special.  You're lucky I've told you sorry wankers _anything_ about tonight."

Remus coughed quietly and, although it was too dim in the tunnel to see details, I knew his eyes were rolled up toward the ceiling as if to say, 'Leave me out of this, I have nothing to do with it.'

"I suppose it's too much to ask that you not share any _more_ with them?" I enquired lightly.

"Now, Lil," said James, with a tone of condescension so blatant it could only be fake, "a bloke _has_ to be allowed to talk with his mates …"

"… Or else if wouldn't be any fun?" I quipped, making Remus and Sirius fall over themselves laughing while James spluttered his protest.

Finally, the outline of the doorway became visible, and with another minute or two of walking, we'd reached our destination.  I turned around to face the others, before James could even think of inviting them in.

"You're feeling all right, Remus?" I asked.  He'd been looking pale all night, but had shown no signs of changing, even when we'd been in the moonlight on the grounds.

"I'm fine," he answered.  "You two go on and, um, you know.  Have fun."  Sirius snickered from behind him.  I was sure both Remus and I had turned some indescribable shade of pink, which there luckily wasn't enough light to see.

I stepped through the door, joining James inside the Shack, and closed it firmly behind me.  James took me by the hand and led me upstairs to the bedroom.  I could feel his hand trembling, now that we were alone at last.

" _Incendio omnes candelae_ ," I spoke, waving my wand smoothly around the room.  The multicoloured candles I'd placed earlier in the week all sprang into tiny, dancing flames, illuminating the soft, dark red bedding and the plump, satiny pillows I'd brought in.  I heard James let out a soft gasp and felt him squeeze my hand.  I'm sure he would have said something sweetly awkward if we hadn't been interrupted at that moment by a heavy thudding sound against the door downstairs and an animal growl and moan.

"Oh, my God!" I nearly shouted.  "James, is it … Remus?  Is he changing?"

James looked deeply uncomfortable.  "Um," he said.  "No."

"Then what …" I started to ask, but quickly twigged.  "Ah.  Never mind."

With a nervous chuckle, and his eyes everywhere but on me, James dragged me over to the mattress and sat down heavily.

I twined my arms around his waist, and he mechanically sort of draped himself around me.  After a deep, halting breath, he turned to look at me at last.  With trembling hands, he pushed my fringe back off my forehead and cupped one side of my face in his palm.  His specs reflected the candlelight, and I removed them so that I could see his eyes.  He smiled and leaned in to kiss me, any hint of swagger gone from his manner.

I sighed and kissed him back, gently and then more hungrily as his taste filled my mouth.  I leaned into him, arching my back so that my breasts pushed against his chest, and felt his arms tighten around my back.

Ah.  Progress.

I leaned back onto the mattress and pulled him down on top of me, snogging him while pressing my torso to his.  Another sigh escaped my throat, but James was silent, entirely too correct, as though he were dancing with a stranger at a formal ball.  This was hardly the playful James I knew and loved.  I tried poking him in the ribs and he chuckled a bit, but something was still missing from our usual easy chemistry.

Once I realised what it was, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to notice: James was lying heavily on top of me, but although I'd just poked him in the ribs, no part of him was poking me at all.

I shifted beneath him, hoping that either I would feel something once I'd moved a bit, or maybe that the friction would make the right things start happening.  I bent my right leg to wrap it around him, simultaneously kissing and nibbling my way down his neck.  He tilted his head to improve my access, and pressed his hips down against mine, but still no poke.

I was starting to lose confidence.  James had been beside himself with glee when I'd told him.  He couldn't have lost interest, could he?  But when I opened my eyes, I saw a pained look in his, and realised that he was nearly frozen with nerves.  I tried kneading his shoulders as I kissed him, in hopes it would help him relax, but to no avail.  Only a few more seconds passed before James sighed heavily and pushed himself off me to sit up.

Difficult as it was, I stayed quiet, forcing myself to hold back those clichéd words, 'It's alright, dear, I'm sure it happens to a lot of blokes …'  Instead I waited, watching for a clue as to what he might want me to do.

"I'm sorry, Lil," he finally choked.  "I … I don't know …"

He wouldn't look at me.  This was worse than that Quidditch match when he was exhausted from  having had detention the previous night, and couldn't put the Quaffle through the hoop, no matter how hard he tried.

Oddly similar situation, actually.

This was worse, yes.  But it was also better, because this time I knew how to help.

"Sh," I said, and pushed him back on the bed.

"It won't -" he started, but I only shhed him again and went to work at unfastening his flies.

I had no experience at what I was about to do, naturally, but the book made it sound easy enough.  I only had to cover my teeth with my lips, keep my throat relaxed, and use my tongue to apply pressure along the shaft.

When I had got his trousers open and was lowering my head, I looked up at James's face to make sure he was all right with what I was proposing to do.  His eyes were wide with surprise, and yes, I think it was gratitude.  I smiled impishly and took him in my mouth.

James drew in a quick hiss of a breath, and began to grow and harden in my mouth almost immediately.  I sucked in a little, licking at the tip, then began to slide my lips up and down as he lengthened along my tongue.  I moaned a little, more turned on than I expected to be, and heard him echo the sound as he felt the vibrations from my throat.  It didn't take much time at all before he had grown completely taut.  I encircled the base of the shaft with my fingers and licked slowly all the way up his length before I sat up and smirked at him.

"Wow, Lily …" he breathed, but I stopped his lips with a teasing finger.

"Stay right there," I told him.

I knelt up, throwing one knee across so that I was straddling his lap, and began to unclasp my robes.  James didn't need an invitation, but started helping me unbutton my blouse straightaway, so I began working on his robes and shirt.  He let out a low whistle when he saw the green silk camisole I was wearing.  I guided his hand to the slippery material where it draped from my breast and hardening nipple.  Now getting into the spirit of things, he rolled the pad of his thumb around the firm nub, making the throbbing between my legs grow so strong I could hardly stand it.  I lowered myself over him, grinding my hips down against his very firm member, which he welcomed by clutching my hips and pulling me against him in a rhythm that matched my motions.

I could feel the pressure building, and had to summon every ounce of strength to stop our momentum and say, "Wait.  We have to do this right."

Thanking Merlin for my foresight to have brewed and taken the contraceptive potion, I felt ready and confident when I hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my pants and lifted my hips so that he could pull them off me.  I only had to shift slightly and use one hand to guide him, before I could feel him at my opening, starting to move inside.

It hurt more than I'd expected, and I think I must have winced, because James stopped cold.  "All right, love?" he asked, so tenderly I could have snuggled him if I hadn't been about to die from impatience for shagging him.

"Just let me do this part," I told him, willed myself to relax the important muscles, and managed to slide a little further down onto him.  His hips bucked, which hurt like a bitch as he drove further into me, but I took a breath and was able to move a little more.

Leaning forward, I trailed my satin-clad nipples along his chest as I kissed him.  Sighing into his mouth, I slid the rest of the way onto him and let him take my weight.  James smiled into my kiss and cupped my arse, so deliciously gently, in his big, strong hands.  I moaned and felt something deep within me contract, gripping him inside me.  He moved, then, and the friction of his body against mine was so delicious, any pain or discomfort became secondary to the pleasure I felt as more and louder moans and whimpers filled the air, so foreign that I couldn't recognize them as my own voice.

I was having _sex_.  And Merlin, I was _loving_ it!

And then, almost before that thought had taken root in my mind, James tensed and shouted out, then lay still, a sated grin spread across his face.

He pulled me close, kissing me gently as he softened and slid out of me.  He stroked my face and hair, murmuring little nonsense syllables that meant he loved me and thanked me and truly, truly cared for me.

In only a few minutes, he was fast asleep.

With an indulgent smile, I rolled off of him and, gazing at his sleeping face, used my own hand to finish the job he'd left half-done.

Next time, I'd make sure he stayed awake until we'd both got our full enjoyment out of the evening.  But for now, I was glad I'd read that most-perused section of Petunia's book.  A few moments of deft handiwork later, I was happily dozing beside my boyfriend, as satisfied as he was.

As I drifted off, snuggled close against him with a Cleansing Charm cast and the covers pulled up over us, I thought again what I've thought so many times: He's far from perfect, in fact he's a right stupid git sometimes, but I adore this boy, always will, and I don't mind if the whole world knows about it.

_fin_


End file.
